I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
The struggles of a small town man whore
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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