Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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