wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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