your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
