Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
