So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
