You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
home. puking in laundry basket.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize