I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
