I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
