i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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