I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
