i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
