I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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