Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
