i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
