Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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