but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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