Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
