I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
