i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
