I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
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