I want to make a zoo with you.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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