Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
