i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
