Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize