If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
