I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
