Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
the liver wants what the liver wants
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
