my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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