Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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