Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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