I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
lol hangovers are for mortals.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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