she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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