I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
This house was built for laser tag.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
