She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
