Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Randomize
