What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
