I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
