this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
You ruined the universe
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
