You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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