Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
