yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
this hospital has no fireball
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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