i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize