the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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