No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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