Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
