do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
home. puking in laundry basket.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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