never play flip cup with pint glasses
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
