Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
