I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
