Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
