Taylor Swift is so right about you.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
