Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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