We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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