Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
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