I don't usually arrange sex via text message
no, he came in my armpit
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
