I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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