this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
