when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Randomize
