her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
