i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
