I wish I only lived at night.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
