Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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