Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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