Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
