I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
