how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
