Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
