i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
