I wannas sexs uuuuu
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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