Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
