guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I think my moral compass just broke
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
