Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
