This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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